i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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