A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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