i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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