I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
