I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
