I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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