I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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