btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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