you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
