As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
