you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
