if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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