idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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