did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
