Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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