I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
