I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
