Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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