wat bout pragnant strippers??
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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