he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
