I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
