Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
