There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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