the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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