I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
