wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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