I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
