Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
