My liver just broke up with me...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
