does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
