I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
