He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
