Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
