you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
