i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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