I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She told me I should be a condom model.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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