Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
