You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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