Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did I show you my penis last night?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize