those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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