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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
