I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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