Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
