The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
