We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
