wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
