Need sex. Gaining weight.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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