I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
COCAINE IS GR8
Your penis caused this!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
