i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
