you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it's like iHOP with fire
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
