I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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