he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
