My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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