there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
