i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
