Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
