Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
