This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
