Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
