have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
