i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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