There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
