i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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