That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
