You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
