I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
