oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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