True but thats because hes a fetus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
