Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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