U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize