I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
