dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
